She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
