it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
