He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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