I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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