I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
