apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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