to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
