you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
