Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
