Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
