tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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