Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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