Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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