am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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