i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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