So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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