I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When are your genitals available?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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