dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
