You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
