i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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