Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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