So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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