Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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