ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
