I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
