glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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