I bet he comes in French.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
