I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
