i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
