I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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