Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
