and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
