we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
