Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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