Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
