He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
