your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
