How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
