well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
