she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
