Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
