Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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