Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
