I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
