We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
