There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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