If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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