I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
