Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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