Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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