some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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