he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize