i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
