If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
