weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
