Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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