i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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