Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
