the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
