Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
