cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
