every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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