Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
