we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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