thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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