My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
