Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
whose ass print is on the piano?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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