Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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