the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
